Recently, I read the craziest headline online. It said, “Geriatric Millennials have the most power in the workforce right now.”

Wait, what?

Who the heck is a Geriatric Millennial?

I’m sure you’re not surprised that the part of the headline that stopped me was the first part. I mean, as my latest columns have highlighted that I’m easily distracted by shiny objects. But still, according to Business Insider, Geriatric Millennials are 30-45 year olds.

Like me.

Geriatric, though? I mean, the dictionary definition of the adjective form of geriatric is “relating to old people.” Typically, we’re talking people 65 and older, certainly not 30-45! Look, I know people are trying to differentiate from the Millennials who have never experienced VHS tapes and those who have, but Geriatric Millennial is a bit much.

I prefer Xennial.

A Xennial is an older Millennial who shares many traits with Generation X. It’s not quite as insulting.

A Millennial is someone born between 1980 and 1995. There is a world of difference between 1980 and 1995! Cassettes were still the best way of listening to music in 1980, and many of us had records unironically. By 1995, it was all CDs. Batman was still Adam West before Michael Keaton came along, and then by 1995, he was Val Kilmer.

(Let’s pretend “Batman & Robin” didn’t happen, shall we?)

My point being, our Batman is still alive. Keaton is returning to the batsuit. Adam West can’t, which means that we are certainly not in the Boomer or Gen X generation, so we are hardly “geriatric.”

The drastic cultural change we Millennials saw does point to the need to create two categories: Pre-Kilmer and Post-Kilmer. Michael Keaton isn’t old enough for the Pre-Kilmer Millennials to be considered “geriatric.” Hence, Xennial.

Checkmate, Business Insider.

Oh, and you’re probably wondering what the article is talking about. It’s referring to “The Great Resignation.” It’s that thing that Boomers and Gen Xers say is happening because “Millennials don’t want to work anymore.” Right now, many Xennials and younger are deciding that they don’t want to work for super-low wages or craptastic treatment. When Sheetz or McDonald’s pays better than some jobs, then it makes more sense to go to Sheetz or McDonald’s. Many Xennials are starting their own businesses or taking advantage of telecommuting options instead of sitting in a cubical for no good reason anymore. In an article by our own Elaine Haskins, Workforce Solutions of North Central PA Executive Director Pam Streich said, “[The workforce development board members] really think that people want to be valued. They’re taking a look at their value, and they want more.”

You know, capitalism.

I guess this is just another thing we Millennials ruined. We can own that. We can be OK with the fact that younger people are following the lead of, according to Business Insider, “two-thirds of Millennials agreed that ‘Now would be a great time to make a career move.’” We ruined paying us crap and treating us worse.

Say what you will about us, we’re not “geriatric.”

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Andrew Bundy is a husband, father, and nerd. You can reach him at bundycolumn@gmail.com.

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